Tuesday, April 25, 2006

This goes out to Chelsea

So Sports Fans...Apparently I haven't updated in a month and my adoring fans have missed me. so much in fact Chelsea has e-mailed me basically saying I provide a much-needed service to the over-stressed university students out there. So Chelsea, this one's for you.
During my class tonight with other fellow Masters students, insteading of discussing the merits and pitfalls to the increasing use of technology in the classroom, we discussed our vomiting practices in college (that's university in Canadian). Here are a few things that remind me of college and alcohol and vomit:
1. The first time I met this guy American Ali was dating we went to our friends' frat party. As I was a youngun still unaware of my limits (don't think anything has changed), I got a wee bit intoxicated. This guy of Ali's was driving all of us back to her dorm and I knew I was gonna hurl. I kept having to tell him to pull over because I didn't want to puke in some guy's car who I just met and would most likely have to see again. Except the first time I asked him to pull over, it was just a false alarm. Which would be fine except it took quite a few times pulling over before I actually managed to do my job. This story would still make American Ali laugh if the guy she had dated didn't turn out to be such a douchebag.

2. Before I met the handsome prof, my friend Jen and I hung out with a group of guys a bit older than us. They didn't go to school or really do all too much, but they were kind of cute and more importantly knew all the bouncers and bartenders in town. As we were 18 at the time, this is GOLD! (Drinking age in States is 21). Our friend Tim worked at a place called Cluck U. Clever, huh? There was a wing eating contest. Apparently if you ate enough wings, you won some award or a pat on the back. The award didn't really matter. What mattered was eating a lot of wings. So one night (fortunately I wasn't there, so this is all heresay), Dan decides to win the wing contest. He keeps eating, and being the man that he is, drinking. He apparently reaches his limit and vomits right there on the table on his wings. In order to win the contest, he had to eat the rest of the wings. Dan picks up a vomit covered wing, shows it ceremoniously to the table, and gobbles it down. None of us really wanted to make out with him after that.

3. While I probably shouldn't tell this story because my parents might get upset, neither my brother or myself live in their house anymore so we can't be grounded...I think. When I was in college, Jon-Jon was still in high school. As my parents LOVE to travel, they would ask me to watch the house and supervise Jon when they went away. Jon and I knew this was a fantastic set up. Usually my roommate Susy would come too. She was a blast. Anyhow, being the cool gal that I am, I would allow my brother to have a party, as long as he did all the cleaning, bought all the booze, no one had sex in the bed I had to sleep in, and no one drove anywhere. One of his friends, don't know the kid's name, was a hyper little thing. He was sitting at the kitchen table with me, Susy, and a few other random friends playing UNO. All of sudden I see Susy gasp and the kid jump up from the table and run away. Apparently this kid vomited on the table, put his cards over it and ran away to the bathroom. As Susy was sitting next to him, she saw the whole sordid event. After the kid cleaned himself up, he came back out, cranked some Kenny Rogers' The Gambler and claimed it as his song for the summer. How could you not love a kid like that?

Ahhh vomiting. And college. Seems like the two go hand in hand. So Chelsea, although I am sure this is not my best work and I hope you don't get squeamish easily, but this collection of short stories is dedicated to you. My first fan who is not my friend who I force and threaten to read this. Now you better comment, biatch!! I promise more to come after next week when my classes are OVER!!!!!!!! I am leaving you with a picture of Tori Spelling because for some reason I thought of her when I thought of spewing chunks. Hmm...


Anonymous Chelsea said...

Why thank you for the dedication! After the death defying act I accomplished today (Calculus exam) it definitely made my day! Keep being funny!

7:31 PM  

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