Saturday, January 21, 2006

The advantages of being DD

Last night was a bacchanal celebration of Miss Alison's birthday. After an extremely long day at work, I sauntered into the restaurant for the bill-paying portion (the best part) and then walked with the group to Sheehan's, the local Irish pub. I decied to be designated driver because (a) I drove my car there, (b) I was very tired and onlyhad chocolate for dinner and vomit is even grosser when its shit brown, and (c) I had to work again today. In these older, wiser years of mine, I have come to realize that being DD has its advantages. You can act drunk and be a total asshole, but be completely cognizant of the whole thing. Anyone you want to tell off? Be DD one night, find what bar they are in, tell them off (don't forget to slur a little), and then have your friends say "I am so sorry, she is WASTED." I would post a picture of something fun and obnoxious from last night, but I didn't have my camera. Maybe if Alison cares she will send me one to post.

Also, Alison has the same birthday as GEORGE! So here is our plan...She and George will fall in love. They will get married. At the wedding, Heather and Jon and Leta will come. Larn, Alison, and I will have this fantastic time with the Armstrongs and become their best buds. And Alison will be related to the fabulousness that is dooce. I am such a blog-celebrity whore.

Wednesday, January 11, 2006

Is this good enough for you?

Yes its been a while, no I really don't care. I know I have a fraction of things going on in my life as compared to other women who somehow have full time jobs, raise kids, run households, blah blah blah, but lately I have been feeling like I have way too much to do and I just can't keep up. Its one of those feelings I can always remember having, of not quite being good enough. So I have to wonder, how do we do it? How do we make enough time for ourselves, our family, our household responsibilities, other things "they" say you "should" do? I have a few theories about this...
1. Marketing scheme. Companies make money when you feel inadequate. Is your house NOT sparkling, shimmering clean? What kind of woman are you? Buy our insert product name here and not only will your floors shine and your windows glisten, but the world will hold you up and praise you as domestic goddess and all-around fantastic woman.
2. I'm just lazy. I will watch the first season of Lost in as short amount of time as possible because its good stuff and I love overacting. Especially with former Party of Five cast members. Those bitches can overact with heart. As I am watching episode after episode, laundry will hang out in its basket, the cat will distribute her hair all over the carpet, and my suitcases from vacation will stare at me desiring to be unpacked.
3. Society. Yeah, let's blame society. Everyone does, its on all the shitlists, so it can be on mine too. I don't know how society is to blame for my dirty house, but I am sure someone can work that out for me.
4. Insecurities. Did you ever play that game when you found someone you thought was so super fantastic and so much more perfect than you that it became a mission to find something that was wrong with them that isn't with you? For instance, that girl who got perfect grades in school, always managed to look good, got the cute boys, yada yada yada BUT she farted this one time in class. YEAH! Oh wait, we're looking for something that's not wrong with you. I don't know if I can say I never farted in class. You know what I am talking about though. I blame Martha. She started it all. I wonder if she is so inadequate in the rest of her life that she has to make the rest of us feel bad because we don't grow our own wheat to hand grind into flour to bake our own 5 tier wedding cake decorated with orchids fresh from our greenhouse. Seriously woman. Discover the joy of your couch plus popcorn plus good/bad/mediocre television.

Enough of my rantings. Had to get it off my chest. Lost is on tonight and I am completely caught up so I can't wait for the next hour of overly dramatized plane crash survivors on deserted island with monsters and crazies and french women. Oh yeah, a pic for ya too; something purty. Next entry will be a recap of Hawaii and Christmas. Promise. Maybe.