Friday, September 23, 2005

Who will be America's Next Surviving Apprentice, Martha Edition?

Yeah Reality Trash TV season is back!!!
First issue:
America's Next Top Model Cycle 5

Who are your favorite picks? I like
Kim. I think she is very cute and she seems like a borderline normal gal. But we will see as the season goes on. Do you know what I find to be most horrific, though? On the America's Next Top Model website, they have a store! And probably their worst product is the America's Next Top Model scrunchie hat. Its a scrunchie and a hat and a scrunchie and a hat! I mean, how many times have I had a baseball hat, but not a scrunchie or a scrunchie and not a baseball hat. All that is missing is the fake ponytail hanging out the back of it to look like I have super long hair, but only when I have the hat on. When I take it off, instant haircut! Whammo!





















There are now two options of the Apprentice:
The first is money grabbing, power hungry, capitalist pig Donald Trump and the other is money grabbing, materialistic, power hungry capitalist pig Martha Stewart. Pick your poison. Wouldn't it be kind of nauseating to have to be a business person where all you care about is wrangling, seducing people into buying a bunch of shit they don't need. Or making them feel like they need to repaint their living rooms because that shade of white isn't "spring" enough?! But the figureheads, celebrities aren't the worst of it. Its the contestants. The "I almost cried because I was in the same room as Martha Stewart/Donald Trump/Tyra people." Why? What have these people done that make you want to cry? Is it Donald's hair? Martha's ill-fitting suits? Tyra's forehead? Last time I checked, these people haven't saved a baby from a burning building or gave CPR to your grandma who has bad halitosis. They've made a shitload of money. And have purchased huge estates for themselves. To live ALONE in. And I am sure they help grease politicians hands to enlarge the gap between the wealthy and the poor. Okay, I would probably cry too, but for different reasons.

How can I talk? I am watching the stupid things. I am routing for certain people while the prof is talking to the tv saying, "Nu-uhh. I can't believe this guy! He's got to go. You're fired. Say it Don, say it." I'm sure if the Don knew he had such an eminent organic chemist agreeing with his actions, he would be ecstatic. But until Don buys the periodic table, element by element, they'll just have to have this virtual relationship.

I would like to leave you with a quote from the politics test I took the other day that put me in the same category as a hickey on Ghandi:

It's wrong when environmental regulation puts people out of work, like when limits on logging make it harder for loggers to log logs.

Could you just imagine how I responded to that? If it was open-ended, I would have over-used the word log. For instance, Is there a log of loggers willing to log logs then lug logs then snog on the log blog? loglogloglogloglogloglog? loglog.

Loglog for now- the KMAD

2 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Yip yapity blah blah blah

2:30 PM  
Anonymous pixie.rae said...

ok a) the scruncie hat? is that like some really tacky throwback to the 80's? i mean COME ON people!

b)the apprentice, martha stewart style. you think a normal person stands a chance at winning? but more importantly - is there a girl with bettie page bangs in the show? if so, i'm so watching it. when's it on? lol

c)i need a new job ;)

9:15 PM  

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