Monday, August 29, 2005

My Bloburb

Today was rather non-eventful; I worked at my favorite health food store with two of the wisest women ever and was playfully challenged and entertained by our colorful customers. Since I have nothing of real interest to say, I should take this time to explain what a blog (not blob, Pooh) is and where it comes from.

We all know Al Gore, like, totally invented the internet, right? Ali T and I played with the internet in a very early 1992ish with the wonderfully obscene Prodigy program. I think we had our first dealings with sexual predators by pretending "we are sixteen with huge boobies and really, really tight jeans." I think we thought camel toes were hot. They still are. I wonder if that will be the new crack to show off. I think I will pass on that fad, too. Too much bikini waxing involved.

Okay, back to what a blog is...the internet is a symposium for the intellectual, the righteous, and most importantly, the unemployed! That be me. I love the web, love it, love it, love it. Wondering where else you've seen that girl from Napoleon Dynamite? One imdb search later and yes, it’s the chic from Andre the whale! I think Ali T and I went to see that right after describing the bodysuit we were wearing to some 60 year old dude on Prodigy.

A blog is a place for us unemployed or part-timers or wannabe writers to spill our guts every day to an anonymous crowd. There are no rules, no grades, just your bored friends forced to read it religiously. My blog is exactly that. My very first literary rejection came the other day and I am sure more are to follow. I am going another route, just to keep myself writing on a daily basis. Maybe this really famous editor-publisher person will google Diddy and anal leakage and read my witty blog and want to publish it into a book a la Carrie's articles on Sex and the City. That would be freakin' awesome.

I know, I know. I should stop bothering everyone and keep a journal, but here are a few reasons why journals suck it:
1. Writing! Who writes, like with their hands? How 20th century!
2. Who's gonna read it? I'm in it for the fame, people, the fame and the pussy.
3. Who are you writing to? Yourself? That's pretty stupid. Why not dictate? Why bother at all? Don't you already know all this stuff? Are you that senile that you need to write your life story to yourself? Shame
4. Anything I do write, Ali T will read it anyways. I had a diary in junior high and I thought, hey, your best friend is a person who would never invade your privacy and read your diary. So she came over for Kudos and saw my diary on my nightstand and picked it up and read it. Of course, it was super cheese. Something like: Dear Diary, I need to give you a name so I have someone to write to. I will call you Cornelia. Much better. Dear Cornelia, Oh I like your name better already. My name is Kristen Michelle Aber...Blah, blah, blah. I can't believe Ali had the stamina to read the damn thing. Well, after the first night she read my diary, I wrote to Cornelia that night that I was pissed off at Ali for reading her (Cornelia). Of course, Ali read the thing the next day and just laughed at me. I then renamed my diary Ali. If you can't beat them...

So, that is what a blog is. The word is a shortened form of weblog. Travis likes to call it a blob or a blurb or a blurg or glob or bob. He's super cute.

The website of the day is homestar runner. Enjoy!


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Tina Majorino
Actually, Andre was a seal, not a whale. I heart Tina Majorino...side ponytails rock! She was also in Corina, Corina with Whoopi Goldberg and Ray Liotta. I heart him too...I wonder if he would stop in the middle of sex and tell me he was in love with someone else who may or may not be a girlfriend.

But back to Napolean. My friend ali just told me John Heder (aka Napolean...he is actually really hot in real life and I would totally let him fuck my bum) is Morman and went to the same uni as DOOCE...BYU. Just a little fyi.


2:46 PM  

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